Our less-than-serious guide on how to sidestep the inherent hazards of attending Offshore Europe
We’re all looking forward to Offshore Europe but here at Marex we feel we would be failing in our duties if we didn’t take a moment for a quick risk assessment around the potential hazards of being at one Europe’s largest energy events.
Preparation is the key to success, they say. So make sure you don’t find yourself with aching arms lost in the labyrinthine aisles, speaking to someone whose name you can’t remember with our top tips.
Beware of lifting injuries: those stand giveaways might feel insubstantial but all those plastic pens and branded sticky notes soon add up. Get yourself a substantial tote bag. Hey, get two and you can spread the load and balance yourself on both shoulders. Don’t slouch and remember to bend your knees before you take the strain.
Risk profile: LOW. Be realistic – how many Moleskine notebooks and wind turbine keyrings do you really need in your life? Pack light and keep repeating “I am embracing sustainability”.
Repetitive strain injury from excessive badge scanning: if you’re not wandering around picking up goodies, you might find yourself on the company stand instead. Now we know that it’s unlikely all 40,000 visitors won’t make a beeline for your stand - at least not at once - but there are still a lot of lanyards to grab and badges to scan.
Hold the scanner in alternate hands. Test its efficiency by scanning with your hands above your head. Then behind your back. If you’re feeling ambitious, use your feet.
Risk profile: LOW. Being on the stand is all about teamwork. By which we obviously mean: delegate.
Navigational errors: at Offshore Europe, there is the ever-present risk of going astray. There may be a map in the welcome pack that was efficiently thrust into your hand but you know you’ll start navigating by stand exhibits and with over 600 stands to negotiate, you’ll soon be aimlessly wandering up the aisles of Hall 2, or are you back in Hall 3, and you’re slowly doubting that eye-catching model of a semi sub is quite the landmark you thought…
Take a stash of biscuits, crumble them up and leave a trail to find your way back, Hansel and Gretel style. Or freestyle it with some day-old branded cupcakes. And let’s hope the P&J Live floor sweepers already have enough on their brooms.
Risk profile: HIGH. But hey, it’s only four days and in the infinite number of routes, one is bound to take you back to the catering stand to regroup. Or at least stock up with biscuits again for the next attempt.
Networking and names: want to sound professional and slick and not get kettled on a supplier’s stand? As always, it comes down to preparation, preparation, preparation. And an ability to read people’s badges quickly.
Memorise some safe opening gambits. A simple “how’s business?” should work in most situations, with another handy “ooh, I wanted to get to that white paper presentation at noon … hang on, is that a wind turbine keyring?” making the departure ordered and efficient. And when that person greets you, and their name (and company) flies out of your head? Distract them by pointing at a nearby stand and hope their badge is hanging the right way round so you can read it.
Risk profile: MEDIUM. Networking counts as a hazardous environment at the best of times. Just smile, be honest and you’ll be forgiven. Or the great fallback “oh, it’s yourself!”. No one ever argues with that.
Remember you can always walk briskly – and safely – along to stand 1X47 where you can check in with Marex. We’ve been managing risks for 25 years now so we definitely count as a safe haven. And you want to see our wind turbine keyrings…